(Ok, this is a lot of reading, but we are talking about YOUR marriage, you know - the rest of your life! I really want to get you to do this training with someone.)
In our society, getting a driver's license requires some fitness test (vision), demonstration of skill (driving test) and knowledge test. That does not mean the person will be a good driver, but at least they have shown they have the basics.
To get married, you just buy the license; find an official to ask you one question: "Do you take ___ to be your spouse?" Answer "yes" and you are married!
Little wonder the success rate of marriage is around 50%! A new husband will follow some idea of how to husband learned perhaps from watching his father or maybe a combination of stepfathers, TV shows, or other unchallenged assortment of sources.
A new wife will look to her mom or mom substitute (TV shows or movies, stepmoms, etc.) and start out playing wife. Along with this, each will expect a response from the spouse based on what they saw in their opposite sex parent or parent substitute.
So, we all have a belief system that could be summed up like this: "For life to feel like it is working for me, I will do certain things and I expect others to respond according to my preconceived standards." Now if they do not respond correctly, you may judge the other person in a very negative way and the fight is on.
Referring to one study, Dr. Huston of the University of Texas at Austin says,
"This study showed that couples' newlywed marriages and changes in their union over the first 2 years foreshadow their long-term marital fate after 13 years... disillusionment—as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one's spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence—distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond."
The researchers discovered "differences between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot."
It seems that we all think that our spouse is totally committed to making our life work. With both having that expectation and demand, little wonder a struggle to make the other person do their job can result in major conflict and divorce.
Premarital training helps prevent many of the problems that most couples report develop early in the relationship.
It is important that our belief system be fully explored. We grow up believing a set of false truths. We must find those false truths and change them to true truths.
Using a set of assessments, much of our belief system will be examined. Call (865-670-6906) for more information on the role of assessments in understanding ourselves and others.
Please do the work and take the time to plan for a really great rest of your life!!